One Day in the Journal of a Lightbulb in the Castle of Elysian

Tuesday, September 5, 2017
OK, so I didn't sleep well last night. Neither did the humans, I'm guessing, because they kept getting up in the middle of the night and turning me on.
Anyway, I eventually got back to sleep.
So, at five-thirty this morning, I was resting peacefully, when one of the humans came barging downstairs. He reached for the light switch. I cringed as the electricity surged through my circuits. You have no idea how painful it can be to support such high current.
While the human got his breakfast ready, I appeared bright and cheerful, but in reality, my anger toward his thoughtlessness of my discomfort smoldered under the surface.
Eventually, I came up with the perfect plan. I'd go on strike! So, first chance I got, I broke my filament. Pow! I turned off.
The human startled for a moment, then sighed. He was walking toward the kitchen cabinet before I realized what he was doing. He was going to replace me!!! And if there's one thing a lightbulb likes worse than supporting 120 volts of current, it's smelling the garbage can. So I quickly flickered back on. The human stopped and turned around, obviously shocked. He obviously didn't know that lightbulbs can "blow" and "unblow" of their own choice.
Eventually, each one of the residents of the castle had eaten their breakfast and had gone out. I think some of them went for a stroll in the garden. Anyway, once they left, I had a rest. Let me rephrase that. "We" had a rest. That is, the stove, the teapot, the sink, and I. You see, none of us like being bothered, especially when we've just woken up.
So, once the humans left, we all took a quick nap, followed by a cup of tea and a quick game of cards (we're more accomplished than you thought).
We had set the cat as a lookout, and once she saw the humans coming back from their walk, we all hopped back into our places and pretended to sleep. But we realized, just as the humans walked in, that we had left our teacups and cards on the table!
Obviously taken aback, the humans asked each other about the tea and cards. Eventually, they came to the conclusion that some of the characters from their stories must have come alive and started drinking tea. I chuckled inside at their gullibility. They seriously thought fictional characters could come alive? Ridiculous.
Unfortunately, the residents decided it was time to torture us yet again, so they made some lunch. It was horrendous! To start out, they burnt their cookies, which made the oven scream with pain. Then, while they were cleaning that up, they let the teapot burn dry. It hurt me so much to see them suffer so.
While they ate their lunch, the humans discussed plans for the afternoon. Thankfully, unlike most afternoons, when they just make cookies and drink tea, this afternoon they decided to do something useful and actually write. (I know, it's a shocker)

Well, that brings me up to the present, and right now I'm just waiting for the humans to come back and make supper. If anything noteworthy happens, I'll be sure to write about it.

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